Mormon Jokes-for my Sibs
Just like the other pages, there will be more to come.
- Q: How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to say an opening prayer, one to give a talk on changing light bulbs, one to change the light bulb, and one to say a closing prayer.
- J. Golden was once asked his opinion of women wearing cosmetics, which some General Authorities in the early part of the 1900s frowned upon. When asked, J. Golden said: “Well, a little paint never hurt any old barn.”
- All the major religions of the world were meeting in a large building. All of a sudden a fire broke out, the Jews started jumping up and down and praying, the Catholics started crying and asking what they had done wrong? The Mormons showed up 2 hours late and missed the whole thing.
- One day 2 Missionaries were out tracting. All of a sudden they heard what sounded like a very large and unhappy dog barking. At the sound of the fierce barking Companion 1, who did not do well with large mean barking dogs, turned and took off running. As Companion 2 ran after him trying to catch up, he called out “We can’t outrun that dog!” Companion 1 called back “I don’t have to outrun the dog. I just have to outrun you!”
- You know you live in Utah when:
- you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction.
- someone in Lowe’s asks if you need help and they don’t work there.
- you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching.
- you design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
- How’s a Relief Society sister like jell-o? She’s sweet, colorful, and the longer she sits, the thicker she gets.
- How does a High Priest exercise? By holding his head up in church.
- A scripture to send a missionary who is not writing letters home: “And now behold, we desire to know the cause of this exceedingly great neglect; yea, we desire to know the cause of your thoughtless state.” (Alma 60:6)
- What do you call a primary child that’s handcuffed? Reverent.
- Did you know they played football in the Book of Mormon? “And it came to pass…” (my Grandpa’s joke)