Tag Archives: Fun Stuff

Yee-Haw, Baby!

Cowboy rules for:

Arizona, Texas , Colorado , Oklahoma , New Mexico , Wyoming , Montana , Utah , Idaho, Nevada
and the rest of the Wild West are as follows:

1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head ain’t crooked.

3. Let’s get this straight: it’s called a ‘gravel road.’ I drive a
pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive,
you’re gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. That’s why they smell like cattle. They
smell like money to us. Get over it. Don’t like it? I-10,  I-40, I-70 and
I-80 go east and west, I-17, I-15, I-25 and I-35 goes north and

south. Pick one and go.

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We’re impressed. We have
$250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It’s called being
friendly. Try to understand the concept…

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin’ in during the hunts, we WILL shoot it outa your hand. You better hope you don’t have it up
to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want
sushi and caviar? It’s available at the corner bait shop.

9. The ‘Opener’ refers to the first day of deer season. It’s a
religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of
November.

10. We open doors for women. That’s applied to all women,
regardless of age.

11. No, there’s no ‘vegetarian special’ on the menu. Order
steak, or you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the 2
pounds of ham and turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper,
and ketchup! Oh, yeah . . We don’t care what you folks in

Cincinnati call that stuff you eat   IT AIN’T REAL CHILI!!

13. You bring ‘Coke’ into my house, it better be brown, wet
and served over ice. You bring ‘Mary Jane’ into my house, she
better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have

long hair.

14. College and High School Football is as important here as
the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks,
and a dang site more fun to watch.

15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don’t hit the water hazards – it spooks the fish.

16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump
crap ain’t music, anyway. We don’t want to hear it anymore
than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!

My dad sent me this email…gotta love it….he’s in Wyoming but I grew up in Texas, so it def applies!

Just One Trick Today.

Naturally, it being April Fool’s Day, I had to do something to somebody. My dd and I were discussing this last night so it was on her mind this morning. So she was out. And the boys are too little. And my mom’s in Florida for a week so she was out.

That left my dh.

So I played it cool and mild.

“Hey, honey, did you know  your back tire is low?”

“No, where?”

“Back tire closest to us. Look.” He looked out the window but could only see the front of the car.

Me again..”Did you run something over last night?”

“No, it was fine while I was driving home.”

“Well, then, you must have driven over something in the driveway.”

“Great.”

He proceeded to get dressed and I thought he was on to me and just letting me get away with it. Then he went to the front of the house to see his car better and I followed him.

Me…”See it?”

“Where?” Then he looked at me and grinned. He really had fallen for it.

“Ha! Got ya…April Fool’s Day!”

Then he told me about how he had been worrying about getting it fixed and how much that was going to cost and how to get the car there, etc.

“See? I made your day better! Now you don’t have to stress about your car!”  Twisted, but good, logic :D

Redneck Friday

Sadly (or funnily) some of these apply to my family though I won’t go into detail.

You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.  dad

You ever cut your grass and found a car. dad

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner. brothers

The people on Jerry Springer’s show remind you of your neighbors. guilty

You’ve been married twice and still have the same in-laws. parents

You can get dog hair from out of your belly button. sorry honey

People hear your car a long time before they see it. hmmm…almost everyone

You own a homemade fur coat. wouldn’t be surprised

You think “taking out the trash” means taking your in-laws to a movie.

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Your kids can climb a tree faster than your cat. pretty much everyone’s kids

Weird and We Have a Crawler!!

Ok, 2 things today.

Last night, dh got an IM from someone he didn’t know. It said, “u gonna pick up a bottle i’m ready.”

So we were coming up with things it could be about…his mind went to a baby.

“You gonna pick up the bottle (I left downstairs) I’m ready (with the baby, he’s hungry)”

I thought a romantic dinner.

“You gonna pick up the bottle (of bubbly or wine or whatever) I’m ready (with dinner).”

Of course there’s quite a few other things it could mean that aren’t G-rated like bottle of KY.

In other news, our baby crawled yesterday! He turned 9 months old Tuesday. He’s a full month ahead of ds1 at crawling and 2 ahead of my dd.  Time to baby-proof the house again.