Again, courtesy of my dd’s email.

1. Change your accent every 3 seconds.
2. Ask to rent a pizza.
3. Order 2 toppings, then change your mind and say, “No, they’ll start fighting. Just one topping.”
4. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
5. Demand to keep the pizza box and make a big deal out of it.
6. Crack your knuckles into the receiver.
7. Speak quieter as the conversation goes on. Then when you say good-bye, say it really loud.
8. Spell the name of the toppings you want.
9. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this conversation.”
10. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.

My dd sent me an email that had 40 fun things to do in an elevator…and it was so funny I thought I’d pass it along. But I’m gonna just stick with my top 10.

1. Whistle the first 7 notes of “It’s a Small World” over and over again.
2. Stare, grinning, at other passengers for awhile. Then announce excitedly, “I’ve got new socks on!”
3. Lean against the button panel “accidentally.”
4. Meow occasionally.
5. Offer name tags but wear yours upside down.
6. Talk to others using a puppet.
7. Greet everyone with a smile and a handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
8. Play the harmonica.
9. Cough incessantly.
10. Leave a fake vomit behind when you get off.

And if you’re looking for someone to give one to, let me tell you why I’m right for you!

1. I’ve had one child with croup and another with the flu. At the same time.
2. It’s been 8 months since I’ve had a night without a kid in arm’s reach.
3. I’ve had construction going on for 3 months.
4. Half of the time of the construction, various men have been walking through our house!
5. I just spent 2 weeks living in my kitchen on a bean bag.
6. It’s been 2 years since my last overnight get-away.
7. I hear a nice hotel with a spa and gourmet restaurant calling my name…
8. I’ve been drooled on, spit up on, peed on, threw up on, pooped on, gummed on, bitten, had my hair pulled, fussed at, screamed at, woken up, sneezed on, coughed on, runny nosed wiped on, been jumped on, for the last 3 1/2 years!!
9. I RARELY get a shower or a bathroom break without hearing from any one kid.
10. I want one!! Can there really be any other reason?

1. The person who coined with the phrase “sleep like a baby” didn’t have kids and/or was a complete idiot.
2. Boys like peeing everywhere…on walls outside, in mud puddles, on bugs, in buckets, in the bathtub…
3. Matchbox vehicles somehow reproduce at night.
4. It’s amazing how moms can do so much and get so little rest. Especially when one kid gets sick right after another gets well.
5. Duck fat/grease are too rich for our dog…probably why he left his Monday’s dinner on a pile on the floor  yesterday morning.
6. You will say things, as a parent, you never thought you’d say. “No, do NOT pee on the dog!” or “No, popcorn does not go in your ears,” or “No sand castles in the kitty litter box!”
7. Croup sucks. Badly.
8. A successful marriage is based on compromise…and the more he “compromises” to my will, the better we get along!
9. It’s not fun being without a washer and drier when there are 4 dirty loads of laundry that all need to be done especially when one child is nearly out of underwear.
10. Chocolate is a great food…it works as a bribe, a pick-me-up, a headache helper, a snack, a dessert, an anti-oxidant and a fix after a dose of medicine! Chocolate…the next wonder food.

I was over at Small Town Mommy and read her post about a quiz about which Disney princess she was…so I had to try it out

Yeah, it’s cheesy, but it’s cute. So if you’re brave (and cheesy enough) try it out and let me know who you are! LINK

Btw, here’s what mine turned out to be.

Pocahontas, the beautiful daughter of Chief Powahatan, is a playful free spirited young woman who knows every tree waterfall and wild creature in her forest home. With a name that means little mischief, Pocahontas loves adventure and excitement. Her curiosity and independance make her a strong girl whose passionate spirit touches and changes all those who know her.

The first man married a woman from OHIO. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from MICHIGAN. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn’t see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from TEXAS.  He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.

He said the first day he didn’t see anything, the second day he didn’t see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.

I got sent this email. I’m tellin’ ya, someone seriously had a lot of time and creativity on their hands!

Coke might look cool, too, ‘cuz of the red can. Project for next year

My mom sent me an email recently with a bunch of unusual…uh…cars.

Being from Texas, I gotta go with the hickmobile. Which is your fave?

This ad popped up here on my site. I did a double take. First, that’s hardly 12 pounds difference. Second, since when did losing weight turn your skin color??  Hmmm…interesting.

In the hospital the family members gathered together in the waiting room, where their family member was gravely ill.

Finally the doctor came in, looking tired and somber.

“I’m afraid I’m the bearer of bad news,” he said as he surveyed the concerned faces. “The only hope for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It’s an experimental surgery, very risky but it’s the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you’ll have to pay for the brain.”

The family members sat silently as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time someone finally asked, “Well how much does a brain cost?”

The doctor quickly responded, “A male brain is $5,000 and a female brain is $200.”

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.

A man unable to contain his curiosity finally blurted the question everyone was thinking. “Why is the male brain so much more?”

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, “It’s just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains because they’ve actually been used.”