A redneck was stopped by a game warden central Texas recently with 2 chests full of fish. He was leavin’ a cove well-known for its fishing.

The game warden asked, “Do you have a license to catch those fish?”

“Naw, sir,” replied the redneck. “I ain’t got none of them there licenses. These here are my pet fish.”

“Pet fish?”

“Yeah, everynight I take these here fish down to the lake and let ‘em swim around for a bit. Then, when I whistle, they jump right back here in these ice chests and we go back home.”

“That’s a bunch of hooey! Fish can’t do that!”

The redneck looked at the warden for a moment then said, “It’s the truth, Mr. Government Man. I’ll show ya. It really works.”

The redneck dumped the fish into the lake then stood for a minute and waited.

After another minute, the warden said, “Well?”

“Well, what?” asked the redneck.

“When are you gonna call them back?”

“Call who back?”

“The fish!!” The warden demanded.

“What fish?”

Moral of the story….You can say what you want about the south, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving north.

Remember when I blew up hot eyebrow wax on my chest, neck and face? If you do, you’ll remember how it burned the heck out of me and I swore to not use the stuff again.

I’m rethinking.

I recently bought a Sally Hensen wax kit, not realizing until I got home it was the microwaveable kind. Oh, well, I figured, I need something, so I went ahead and nuked it. Three and a half minutes later, the stuff was still hard as a rock!! I hate cheap stuff…grrr…

So I went out and bought Nad’s, something I used years ago with success. (It’s a sticky, thick, green sugar wax that you don’t nuke.) Well, I didn’t use it on me; my sister used it on me. I was too chicken to do it myself.

I tried it a couple nights ago and it started out ok.  Then one particular glob spread where it wasn’t supposed to go and ripped off a chunk out of eyebrow. Nice.

So in order to fix them to make them even and not totally weird-looking, I had to make them a good bit thinner than normal. Now there’s still a chunk missing, but hopefully not too noticeable.

I’m gonna continue to give Nad’s a shot since I have the stuff and it was pricey…plus everything new takes practice.

But I gotta admit, the hot wax is looking pretty good again!! I may have a scar on my chest, but at least my eyebrows were never crooked.

My mom sent me this in email, so I thought I’d share!

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.

The local paper read:

PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read:

BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE

The bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is…being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery…even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life.  Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass and you’ll be a lot happier and live longer!

So here’s the pics of us at the church Halloween party.

Our Little Pirate.

Lovely Cleopatra.

Dracula and Baby Pumpkin. And lastly, the Queen of the Underworld.

Blue Monkey Butt sent me this…list 7 things about myself and pass it on to 7 others, who in turn list 7 things!

Ok, here we go…

1. I’m the youngest of 5 kids.

2. I NEVER wanted to have a son (now I have 2 and they’re great!).

3. Sometimes I don’t take a shower until just before my husband comes home (the kids don’t care how I look).

4. I’ve never done my own taxes.

5. I fudge my height…I’m 5’2″. (no, I’m not gonna tell if that’s my height, or what I fudge it to be!)

6. I hate ironing, so I refuse to buy clothes that may need ironing. Other clothes get pulled out of the drier and hung/folded immediately.

7. I’ve never had surgery (except my wisdom teeth).

So, now I tag:

Feel Like Complaining

Spouse in the House

Mommying On The Fly

From Melissa’s Desk

The Long Journey of my Life

LauriLiaw

Rare Ordinary Thoughts

Last night our church held its annual Halloween party. The traditional dinner is pot-luck chili and cornbread followed by trunk-or-treat, except it was raining so we just did the candy inside. The kids always dress up, and sometimes adults do, too. It’s always fun.

Our dd was Cleopatra, ds1 was a pirate, and the baby was a pumpkin. They were all really cute, if I do say so myself

While we were out shopping for costumes Saturday, dh saw one he thought would look good on me, the Goddess of the Underworld. He thought it was fitting for some reason….??  I told him ok, but he had to dress up, too. He agreed, so he found a Dracula cape and teeth.

So, yep, he was Dracula and I was the Underworld Queen at church. One of my friends said she liked our costumes…I told her they weren’t costumes, it was our normal wear. That’s how I always look taking care of my little hellions and dh was just heading off to his evening job. (In my kids’ defense, they really are good 95% of the time.)

For trick-or-treating, 3 of us moms (all friends) just dumped our candy together and handed it out like that. It was a massive bowl!!

So all in all, it was a fun night. My chili turned out good (of course–I make a wicked chili, growing up in Texas) and the kids had fun. I’ll try to put up some costume pics tomorrow.

Ok, Wayne, this one’s for you (see comment in previous post).

Imagine that we all decided to be nudists.

It would make a huge impact on the economy. Think of all the revenue that’s brought in to clothing manufacturers. It all starts with farming…cotton, wool, hemp to a degree. Then to the makers of fabrics and then clothing. And then to the stores that buy from the manufacturers. And all the employees that work in the clothing stores. That’s a lot of people out of work.

Then again, I’m sure there would be other industries that would pick up the slack. Cosmetics, plastic surgery, liposuction, laser hair removal…people would likely be more self-conscious about their bodies. Like we need that.

We also don’t have the space to be nudists. Far too many states in the US have cold winters…we’d all have to move to Florida and So. Cal. We’d all be like the birds that fly south for the winter. Many people would just go to other, warmer countries. And they probably wouldn’t be nudists there, so there would be a big clothing cost which would support foreign countries. All this would affect the industries and jobs of much of the country…most would have to shut down for a big chunk of the year. People would then have to have a winter and summer job. That could be complicated for tax purposes, both property and income. It would turn out to be too costly.

And what about tourism to the US? Especially the states that are known for winter sports. Who would run that? And who would do it?? I think the tourism would slow quite a bit. I know I wouldn’t want to go on a family vacation to a country of nudists. Yikes.

My conclusion is it just wouldn’t work out. It certainly would be bad on the economy and there’s far too many people I don’t want to have to see naked. I’d have to quit wearing my contacts and that would make my life entirely too difficult.

Look what popped up by surprise!

This was given to me by The Un-Mom today! How cool is that?! I found her awhile back and am a stalker now

So following blogosphere etiquette, I’d like to pass this on to a few of my faves, Mummy Diaries, It Is Nap Time, and Blue Monkey Butt!

Last Friday night was another Girl’s Night. I love those. I come home so renewed, feeling so good.

This time it was at a friend’s house (we rotate). We brought white elephant gifts to exchange; I ended up with a kitchen angel another friend makes. One of the women brought a bunch of baking stuff she didn’t want anymore, so I got muffin/cake molds in holiday shapes…I know, it’s all domesticated-sounding, but they’re cute! We ate, played games, won stuff, chatted for hours. I left the house at 5:40pm and came home at 11pm!

Getting out of the house to hang with friends again is so nice. We talked about husbands, kids, problems, ghost stories, cars, etc. I’m definitely looking forward to next month’s night out already! The next month I host will be February, so I’m sure I can come up with some good stuff by then.

So….can anyone look at this and still think they have the worst job??

I didn’t think so.