Posts Tagged “Texas”

Cowboy rules for:

Arizona, Texas , Colorado , Oklahoma , New Mexico , Wyoming , Montana , Utah , Idaho, Nevada
and the rest of the Wild West are as follows:

1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head ain’t crooked.

3. Let’s get this straight: it’s called a ‘gravel road.’ I drive a
pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive,
you’re gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. That’s why they smell like cattle. They
smell like money to us. Get over it. Don’t like it? I-10,  I-40, I-70 and
I-80 go east and west, I-17, I-15, I-25 and I-35 goes north and

south. Pick one and go.

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We’re impressed. We have
$250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It’s called being
friendly. Try to understand the concept…

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin’ in during the hunts, we WILL shoot it outa your hand. You better hope you don’t have it up
to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want
sushi and caviar? It’s available at the corner bait shop.

9. The ‘Opener’ refers to the first day of deer season. It’s a
religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of
November.

10. We open doors for women. That’s applied to all women,
regardless of age.

11. No, there’s no ‘vegetarian special’ on the menu. Order
steak, or you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the 2
pounds of ham and turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper,
and ketchup! Oh, yeah . . We don’t care what you folks in

Cincinnati call that stuff you eat   IT AIN’T REAL CHILI!!

13. You bring ‘Coke’ into my house, it better be brown, wet
and served over ice. You bring ‘Mary Jane’ into my house, she
better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have

long hair.

14. College and High School Football is as important here as
the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks,
and a dang site more fun to watch.

15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don’t hit the water hazards – it spooks the fish.

16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump
crap ain’t music, anyway. We don’t want to hear it anymore
than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!

My dad sent me this email…gotta love it….he’s in Wyoming but I grew up in Texas, so it def applies!

Comments 1 Comment »

Sunday my dh is going to Texas for a week. I was very jealous. But after I made him promise to bring back a few things, I think I’ll be ok :)

Sunday is also his birthday, poor guy. So tonight we did the steaks on the grill and birthday cake thing for him. Tomorrow night we have a friend’s daughter’s graduation party. Kinda nice having 2 parties in a row…can’t complain about that.

So I just have to not try to think about him being gone for a week…makes me a little sick to my stomach. But hopefully he’ll have fun at his work thing…I think it’s a CSI for computers type of class. He could explain it better. I’m not a techie/geek.

My bff lives in Texas, so she told me he has to call her so she can show him around the town we grew up in together.

Lucky guy…I still think he should throw me in a big duffel bag and take me with him.

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If you know Texas well, you know Wolf Brand Chili. It’s seriously the best chili in a can. Wicked awesome taste then it has that heat that kicks you in the back of the throat. Good stuff :D

One of my friends on Facebook recently wrote his parents sent him some (he’s out of state, too).

Now I’ve been craving the stuff for days! Grrr… It’s driving me crazy. I hate those cravings I can do nothing about!!

So if you’re in Texas and you have a box couple cans on hand, feel free to send them my way. And while you’re at it, throw in a bag of Fritos and some shredded cheddar.

Thanks!!

(no, this is not a paid ad!)

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The first man married a woman from OHIO. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from MICHIGAN. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn’t see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from TEXAS.  He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.

He said the first day he didn’t see anything, the second day he didn’t see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.

Comments 13 Comments »

A redneck was stopped by a game warden central Texas recently with 2 chests full of fish. He was leavin’ a cove well-known for its fishing.

The game warden asked, “Do you have a license to catch those fish?”

“Naw, sir,” replied the redneck. “I ain’t got none of them there licenses. These here are my pet fish.”

“Pet fish?”

“Yeah, everynight I take these here fish down to the lake and let ‘em swim around for a bit. Then, when I whistle, they jump right back here in these ice chests and we go back home.”

“That’s a bunch of hooey! Fish can’t do that!”

The redneck looked at the warden for a moment then said, “It’s the truth, Mr. Government Man. I’ll show ya. It really works.”

The redneck dumped the fish into the lake then stood for a minute and waited.

After another minute, the warden said, “Well?”

“Well, what?” asked the redneck.

“When are you gonna call them back?”

“Call who back?”

“The fish!!” The warden demanded.

“What fish?”

Moral of the story….You can say what you want about the south, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving north.

Comments 5 Comments »

I remember when I lived in Texas growing up, my parents would watch this guy every once in a while. So when I found him on YouTube, it was really exciting! It just brought back a lot of memories of what I consider home. The culture, the flags everywhere, the accents, and the warmth that Texas is. I’m still homesick.

For those of you who remember this, or want to get a feel of what I grew up with, check out the video under my Texas Jokes page.

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