Texas Jokes-for my BFF

I grew up in Texas so I can do this.

  • Great Texas Phrases:
  1. It’s so dry the trees are bribin’ the dogs. (we need rain)
  2. This ain’t my first rodeo. (been there)
  3. Big hat, no cattle. (lots of talk, no action)
  • Texas Lingo:
  1. A mess of (large unit of measurement)
  2. Plumb (totally)
  3. dawggonnit (exclamation of frustration)
  4. skeeters ‘n chiggers (critters that annoy the “hale” outta ya)
  5. fixin’ to (about to)
  • A true Texan:
  1. You’ve had to switch from heat to AC in the same day.
  2. A traffic jam is 10 cars behind a tractor.
  3. You carry jumper cables in your car for your own car.
  4. You know what cow-tippin’ and snipe huntin’ are. And have done them.
  5. 90 degrees is a little warm.
  • Texas has always been known as the number one natural gas producing state. That is really no surprise seeing as the number of Taco Bells we have serving bean burritos.
  • In Texas, the wind blows 90 mph October through March. Then it quits.
  • Fixinto really is one word.
  • Nothing kills Texas mosquitoes or mesquite trees.

Ok, I know this isn’t Texas, but it’s pretty good southern logic:

The Hillbilly’s Ten Commandments (posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Gainesboro , TN )
(1) Just one God
(2) Put nothin’ before God

(3) Watch yer mouth
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin’
(5) Honor yer Ma & Pa

(6) No killin’
(7) No foolin’ around with another fellow’s gal
(8) Don’t take what ain’t yers
(9) No tellin’ tales or gossipin’
(10) Don’t be hankerin’ for yer buddy’s stuff

Join the Conversation


  1. You are so Great!!! These are soooo true and funny, except I don’t say
    “a fixin to”. But I did caught myself saying “yaought ta”? Oh, the madness! LoL =p

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