1. When changing your baby’s diaper on your bed, use your husband’s side. He’ll never notice the wet spot.
2. When burping your baby, keep his face away from your chest.
3. Turn the light on at night when you use the bathroom after a tired 3 year old.
4. It’s best to pretend the wet spot on the bathroom floor is water when you step in it.
5. Three year olds don’t know they need to stay on the potty during a bout of diarrhea.
6. Boys like peeing everywhere…on walls outside, in mud puddles, on bugs, in buckets, in the bathtub…
7. If you don’t feel like doing any work one day, put piles of clothes (dirty or clean) on the couch. Then, when your husband comes home, it looks like you spent the day doing laundry. The next day, simply put them back where you found them. Two days of work done!
8. You will say things, as a parent, you never thought you’d say. “No, do NOT pee on the dog!” or “No, popcorn does not go in your ears,” or “No sand castles in the kitty litter box!”
9. Matchbox vehicles somehow reproduce at night.
10. They really do think I can see through walls and have eyes in the back of my head!
Why don’t they write these things in the “What to Expect” books?
If I may add…..
-Boys are capable of breaking ANYTHING.
-Babies like to rip out earrings, especially out of newly pierced ears.
-Children will wait until you are wearing something nice to vomit on you.