Sadly (or funnily) some of these apply to my family though I won’t go into detail.
You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took. dad
You ever cut your grass and found a car. dad
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner. brothers
The people on Jerry Springer’s show remind you of your neighbors. guilty
You’ve been married twice and still have the same in-laws. parents
You can get dog hair from out of your belly button. sorry honey
People hear your car a long time before they see it. hmmm…almost everyone
You own a homemade fur coat. wouldn’t be surprised
You think “taking out the trash” means taking your in-laws to a movie.
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
Your kids can climb a tree faster than your cat. pretty much everyone’s kids