Texas Jokes-for my BFF

I grew up in Texas so I can do this.

• Great Texas Phrases:

1. It’s so dry the trees are bribin’ the dogs. (we need rain)
2. This ain’t my first rodeo. (been there)
3. Big hat, no cattle. (lots of talk, no action)

• Texas Lingo:

1. A mess of (large unit of measurement)
2. Plumb (totally)
3. dawggonnit (exclamation of frustration)
4. skeeters ‘n chiggers (critters that annoy the “hale” outta ya)
5. fixin’ to (about to)

• A true Texan:

1. You’ve had to switch from heat to AC in the same day.
2. A traffic jam is 10 cars behind a tractor.
3. You carry jumper cables in your car for your own car.
4. You know what cow-tippin’ and snipe huntin’ are. And have done them.
5. 90 degrees is a little warm.

• Texas has always been known as the number one natural gas producing state. That is really no surprise seeing as the number of Taco Bells we have serving bean burritos.
• In Texas, the wind blows 90 mph October through March. Then it quits.
• Fixinto really is one word.
• Nothing kills Texas mosquitoes or mesquite trees.

Ok, I know this isn’t Texas, but it’s pretty good southern logic:

The Hillbilly’s Ten Commandments (posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Gainesboro , TN )
(1) Just one God
(2) Put nothin’ before God
(3) Watch yer mouth
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin’
(5) Honor yer Ma & Pa
(6) No killin’
(7) No foolin’ around with another fellow’s gal
(8) Don’t take what ain’t yers
(9) No tellin’ tales or gossipin’
(10) Don’t be hankerin’ for yer buddy’s stuff